Thank-FULL-ness Day

For years I have struggled with finding a core significance to the day we call Thanksgiving. The Pilgrim's and the Mayflower weren't anything culturally I could relate to. Now the Native Americans were something a little bit more familiar being that I have some blackfoot blook running through my vains, but I also wondered if they regretted that first Thanksgiving feast. In my own world, for my whole entire life it was a day my parents filled us up with family, faith, and food. Giving me an emotional and spiritual connection with this American holiday. All I ever had to do was just show up!!


It wasn't until this Thanksgiving that I got to experience the possibilities of this day. You see for the first time in my whole life my momma wasn't here for Thanksgiving. She made her own personal pilgrimage to Kalamazoo to reconnect with her childhood, memories, and family. So I was forced to make a decision-pout or host.

I decided to host.

Eric and I were both nervous and excited. I mean with the reputation of fabulous cooks in our families you couldn't just hope to make something good-you HAD to make something good.

Spread out in the kitchen was a beautiful and delicious smoked turkey and prime rib. My honey put his "foot" in that turkey. Mom Brown brought the tradition dressing, sweet potatoes pies, homemade cranberry sauce. And the rest of us just filled in with our favorites and family members personal request. The food was amazing and we stuffed our selves full. I really should have went to the altar for prayer today. Seriously, every time I walked past the table I grabbed a piece of turkey..or pie...or cake..

But more important than the food was the abundance of love in our home. Every level of our little tri-level was filled with activity and joy. Hearing stories of my husbands' childhood,the giggles from children echoing down the stairs, shaking and crying uncontrollably at the clowning and joking rolling around the table. It was wonderful.

The highlights of the evening were 80 something year old Mrs. Rose playing cards with us. Watching her deciding to join in on life instead of just being a spectator silenced the fear of aging that had been growing in my mind. Witnessing the expressions of love and worship my daughter Aliyah offered up to our God in a praise dance. Cooking, cleaning, and creating this memory with my husband-thankful once again for the oneness that we share.

However what I am most thankful for is a deeper appreciation for what I got, who I am, and why I'm here. I got an amazing life, family, friends, and faith. I am a child of the King of Kings, I am royalty. And I am here to continue to pass down the legacy of love and laughter He has so lavishly poured down on me.

Happy thank-full Thanksgiving!!

Thank you Lord for all you've done for me.
It could of been me, outdoors ,with no food and no clothes
All left alone without a friend our just another number with a tragic end.

But you didn't see fit to let any of these things be.
And each day every hour you keep on keep on blessing me.
And I gotta say thank you Lord for all you've done for me! (Mary Mary-Thank You Lord)

Today Hope Won

November 4, 2008 A day of history that will forever be tucked in the depths of my soul, etched in the corners of my mind, and cherished in the chamber of my heart.My last dance with politics dates back to my Sophomre and Junior years of college on the campus of Lewis & Clark College. My first was as also an election were I won President of Beaumont Middle School. Yeah Obama you better be glad you weren't running against me. (smile) 


The writings, literature and works of African-American poets, writers, activist, and artist moved me in a way that transformed me.  I was a sociology/anthropology major and an african-american studies minor (even though Lewis & Clark denied me my minor by refusing to accept my credits from Portland State University after previously promising me that they would accept these "transferable credits"...yeah I'm still a little sore about that but I've gotten over it..anyway.)and had the priviledge and opportunity to dive deep in the rich heritage, history, and politics of my people - the African-Americans.


After hours of reading, files of essays, and garbage baskets of tear stained tissue it was time to do something.  I had realized the awesome sacrifice and commitment my forefathers and foremothers had given and it inspired me to somehow in my own corner of the world try ti make a difference in this country like they had. So I ran for office. Presidency of the Black Student Union. And I won.  And we organized all 22 African-Americans students out of 2000 white students.  Among staff and students we had gained respect, our voices were not only heard but embraced.  Other non-blacks joined our union. Our greatest goal was to employ an African-American professor on campus. Just one...that wouldn't be too much. Start small not too large.Because we knew our second greatest goal of attraction more African-American students to LC would only happen if we had a face, a voice, a reason to want to come.

Respectable and influentail professors and staff helped by advocating and activating our proposal and requests as far as they could take it.  All the way to "The Manor" aka LC's white house.  The official house or cabinet of people that had the money, ran the school, and made all the decisions.  We had the majority support of students and faculty and we had hope because we had been schooled in the thought of equality and acceptance that or view and voice mattered. After months of red tape, several meetings, and polite handshakes our request was denied because based on the President of the College point view the real majority (which happen to be an even small minority than our 22 BSU students)concluded that it was not necessary.  An african-american influence was not necessary....humm..not necessary.


For me this translated that my voice, my view, my presence, my contribution was only necessary when printing brochures, articles, and catalogs to "promote" diversity however my presence was not legitimate enough to govern change, dialogue, or influence.  And on the very campus where my love for my country, my people, and my contribution had budded, it also died.


But tonight as I soak up the view of the first African-American president. I feel something I have not felt in a very long time.  Don't get me wrong I am no longer a 13 or 21 year old lovesick girl romanced by the ignorance of complete peace or justice again.  President Obama is human just like I am he is broken just like all of us....but he has hope.  Not hope in himself, or the color of his skin, but in you and me again. The hope and belief that EVERYBODY MATTERS. And today HOPE WON.I chose not to wear make-up today because I just wanted to soak up the beauty of this day.  I did not have to curl my hair, line my eyes, or fill my lips because today just being me was enough.  The gray clouds and cool raindrops did not cloud the sunshine that is glowing in my spirit.All my life as much as I have tried to deny it growing up in Portland, Oregon I have tried to prove my worth, my equality, my intelligence.  We have had to always been a people who glorified our past we were told at the breast of our mothers, "Never forget where you come from." 


But today I just got to be present in today, in my history, in our history.For hundreds of years we have been made to feel tolerated, accepted, but last night America embraced and African-American man as their president.  There were no sirens, no dogs, no police, no recount.  Just a quiet lull a gentle breeze that whispered, "Change has come."I do not agree with all of Obama's politics or point of view. I do not idolize or worship him because of his skin. I am still unclear about his position of abortion. That was my heaviest burden "the truth", "the voice", and "the politics" of all the candidates were polarized and confusing.

I am no less of a Christian or more of an African-American because I voted for President Obama. I am still and will always be most importantly a child of God.
I admire him because of his poise and grace.  Did I chose Obama because he was Black..."No".  I chose Obama because he gave me back my hope. He showed me that it was OK to hope in the best possibility of broken people.  Instead of focusing on what divides us as a people he focused on what unites us.  Dr. Martin Luther King had a dream that one day his children would not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. 

Today as descendants of Africa, survivors of Jim Crow, and children of the Civil Right Movement my family, my people, and my country witnessed the dream. Ahhh what a beautiful sight.

PS Let us not put our trust in man, but in God alone. Continue to pray for our country and our new president, and you know what it really is ok to hope a little more again.

PSS Sorry about the typ-os. It's way past my bedtime!!

Having a Date with Me

Here I am again.  Blessed with another moment to take a little time out to reflect on the life that I've been given.  I was so anxious about the possibility of time and what direction it would go today. Ended up at one of my favorite spots-Borders Cafe, sippin on the best hot chocolate in town-the triple trio cocoa. White chocolate shavings, circles of milk chocolate sryup, and a mini dark chocolate bar all floating happily on whipped clouds of cream.  You know what I'm also realizing -I really like being with me. I love my man and my babies truly to the heart. I love my people, my girls, my family, all yall know I love you.  But I really, really love to be still, to feel the wind on my face, to hold the beauty of a leaf, a flower, the sky up close in full view.  Yeah.. in order to "become" you got to learn how to just be.   I hate always being in a rush.  It is not the way to start out your day. Today like usual started off in a hurry and in a  mess!! Literally the house was and is tore up, but this week I'm refusing to let it (the messes) get on the inside of me.Began reading in Galatians in The Message.  What stood out to me was the blessing of the man or woman who moves in accordance or direction to the life that God has mapped out for him/her.  Not one who sets out by manipulation, control, or fear but by faith and trust. So many times I'm running ahead, behind, or without you, slow me down Lord.

In the midst of it all my children were so jovial this morning, they are full of energy and wonder.  Sometimes I find myself just starring out them -wishing some of their zest for life will rub off on me. And if I slow down a little it usually does.

Like this morning
"You are holy, oh so holy, holy, so holy."  Nya begin serenading us over oatmeal and toast.Jalen couldn’t get enough giggling out of his system during devotion.Aliyah tried not to act like she wasn't getting her chuckles in also. We managed to get through our second day of our one year devotion that we started last week (go figure).

On the radio my new favorite family Doctor Kevin Lemann was on, talking once again about the family birth order and how that shapes our life.  Today in the 15 minutes that I had to listen in -the broadcast just happen to be about the tendencies of the first born. 

I admit I am a recovering firstborn.  I learned from Dr, Kevin that perfectionism will kill me excellence will propel me. The difference is excellence is based on the inside out"being the best at who I am",  perfectionism is based on the outside only "becoming who I think others want me to be" .

So I've been chosing these days to become excellent in taking care of me and my family first and maybe-just maybe that will be enough to spill out on to this world I tried for so long to conquer.

Today was an excellent day, I got a date with me, my husband gave me a good kiss before he left for work, my children got loved on even though my house didn't
And I've just decided that I'd rather keep my husband and children happy and have a tore up house than have a happy house and a broke down marriage and some tore up children.